Money, Marriage, and Managing Expectations. (I could write a self help book...but I won't...because I need more help than I could give myself).

Good morning world. Now, I'm no genius and I have not looked at any statistics, but I am noticing a particular kind of stress around me these last few years and it distresses me. When my friends who have never had a mental illness in their lives know the names of every anti-anxiety medication on the market we can be assured that we are in trouble. This morning my neck feels like a petrified version of its former self, my brain is full of numbers and lists of goals, and an even longer list of things I feel guilty about. I'd have to be an idiot if I did not know that this is not the way I wish I felt every day, and I can see the same sentiment in the faces of my friends and family. Of course, as an avid socialist my first finger points at the consumer driven society in which we live, which tells us to consume more than just things, but also certain partners, relationships and so forth. It is interesting how we allow the media, movies, books and marketing campaigns create for us an entire ideal life. And yet, I do believe the most detrimental thing about this process is allowing these structures to define our relationships and our expectations within those relationships. I think it sets up an ideal lover that does not exist, and an ideal relationship for that lover to exist within -- marriage. I am not suggesting that marriage cannot be a wonderful, mutually beneficial, stimulating thing. But, to be the person that has to be a perfect lover, a perfect friend, a perfect partner, a perfect son/daughter - in - law, perfect financial contributor, perfect community member, and a perfect parent (or to-be parent) is impossible -- my god, blow my head off now. Then, on top of that, to have to be the ideal friend to your friends, the ideal child to your parents, the ideal employee and so forth becomes the incredibly exhausting endeavour. No wonder we're all on valium, zoloft, ativan, prozac, and so on. One would have to dull their minds just to be able to say "mehhhh, I don't give a fuck today. I'm going to read a book/take a bath/take my kid to the beach without the perfect packed lunch, and four extra hats/ bake some cookies with *gasp* white flour."
We need to be kind to each other, and lessen our expectations. These movies, for example, are terribly toxic for romantic relationships. We cannot all be what's his name with the nice teeth and the ripped abs and the easy going demeanor from all those romantic comedies; or what is her name from all those other romantic comedies with the cute smile, the innocence, and the 45 pairs of shoes? They have scripts, and they are representations of the ideal some other person made up in their minds. This is not a new concept, but I know I am prey to these fluttering thoughts in my mind when I watch these things: "why can't ----- be more like that?", or "see, that's the kind of thing that ---- should do for me.". Holy cow. No. Next time you sit down to watch any popular movie, please bring along an elastic band, place it around your wrist, and every time you feel the urge to think "if only....", just snap it. It's a trick I learned from ER, but hey, it might just work in this case!
The point is, we KNOW these are ideals, we KNOW we cannot possibly live up to the expectations set before us by commercials, or cute romantic comedies, but yet we still seem to put these pressures on ourselves and those around us. We do need to live more simply, but it is hard in a system that does not promote that kind of life. Productivity is king in a capitalist society, and people are more productive when they are working toward something they may never achieve (like the horse with the carrot dangling infront of its face). Also, extreme productivity keeps us from really considering our lives, wants and desires. We may realize that we are content with less crap in our houses (because there is less to clean and be responsible for), less hours at work (more time with family), less money (less fear of losing it). So, carry around your elastic band, and every time you get the urge to buy some extravagance on credit, or feel guilty for eating a popsicle, or for taking an hour a day to sit in a quiet place and read a book with your mobile device turned off, your tv in the next room, and your laptop closed, snap it. The next time you want to yell at your partner for not being perfect, or feel guilty for the same thing, snap it. Try to think about WHY you feel that way, really think. I know I am going collect all of the elastic bands in my house and line them up my wrists. People might think I am strange, but hey, it's about happiness and forgetting the names of all the pills that help us "deal" with our lives. Just take a step back and breathe. It will all be ok.