Ok, being a mom....I've been thinking about my role, and society's perception of this job (and privilege) a lot lately. And, after reading an article about mothers in med school, passed on to me by my best friend (who is in medical school, a mother of one -- preggers with another, and the wife of a soldier, currently at war)(http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/12/opinion/12sibert.html?pagewanted=2&_r=2&ref=general&src=me) , I realized it may be time to voice my opinions.
|An argument I hear often is that smarter people have fewer babies and thus the population is getting dumber. Statistically, less educated people have more babies. More educated people have fewer babies because it is more difficult. That is all. People like me (graduate students, med students, lawyers), are discouraged to have children because of the time they will take away from their jobs for maternity leave. Notice, the maternity in that sentence. The pressure is put on the women. As Sibert would suggest, women should not be part time doctors, they should be dedicated to their profession. I have heard a similar argument about lawyers and PhDs. We spend so much time being educated, once we are we should be present all the time. It should become our lives (and men are, therefore, more viable candidates for these professions because they are "deadbeat" parents anyway, and should leave the parenting to the mothers). What a load of bullshit. If you want a smarter population make it easier for educated people to have babies.
Let me tell a little story: Recently my babysitter bailed on me for this September (I am in my second year of graduate school in English Literature), and I rushed to find another. I did, but after needing to double check my course schedule, she gave the spot away. I have called everyone I can think of, and have tried to post ads. I need childcare for two and a half hours for four days a week. Finally, I got so frustrated I sat down and wept like a baby. I felt so helpless. I want to stay home with my child, but I also want to continue with my education. I have gotten through two years of undergraduate and a year of graduate school with a baby, and it has never once been easy or gone the way I expected. People have not been as supportive or caring as I anticipated when I got pregnant (despite their exclamations of promised support). My friends can't understand my concerns because, for the most part, they do not even have committed relationships never mind children. I cannot, and do not, fault them for this. But, often the reaction is "why don't you just quit". You have no idea how many professors, family members and so forth have suggested I "give up". And do what, I ask? You need two incomes nowadays, especially with both parents being young professionals. So, I would trade grad school for a job in retail? Is that more justified? Would I get less slack? Having worked retail for a year my answer is this: I would. People are much more receptive to you taking time away from your children if you are "doing something" -- suggesting that grad school is not "doing something". I have been told, blatantly, by members of my family to "get a job already", as if being in school is some kind of selfish endeavour.
As of this moment I still do not have childcare for the fall, and I can assure you that I question myself on an hourly basis. Should I just give up? After all, I am destined to feel guilty about every conference I go to, every time I stay late at the university for a beer with classmates, every time I read an article while my son is watching Backyardigans and so forth. But, then I remember that I am good at what I do. I will be a better Prof because I have a life -- I have a child, I know what it is like to struggle with money, I know how to balance my life, I understand boundaries, and I can multi task like a machine.
The point is that Mothers are good professionals, even if they may spend less time at work (ie. not be workaholics), or may take time off for maternity leave (do I even have to mention the paternity leave issue?). We need more help, and to be more accepted. Feminism is about being able to be WOMAN and have to be equality as WOMAN, which includes child birth, and parenting if we want to continue as a species. Being a mother is the most valuable job in the world. We create and raise new people. So, let us do that. Support us while doing it. Don't judge us and push us out of academia, med school, and law school. Let us be fully rounded members of the world. We can succeed in and out of our homes, if we are given options that make sense for both the society in which we work, and the families in which we exist. I love being a mother, and I love being a graduate student. One really does make me better at the other.
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